As often happens in this town, I found myself enjoying some delicious food with a friend the other day. Also not uncommon, we got to discussing our respective careers, shifting landscapes at our offices, and our plans for the future.

The conversation made me wonder: where am I going? Does it matter? A successful career can be defined as continually working to find the best “fit.” I see a problem immediately: I don't necessarily know what that best fit is. Last night I hosted an event for our VISTA team called “Life After VISTA,” where some of our VISTA alumni returned to talk about how they prepared for the end of their year and transitioned into a professional career. One woman said “don't feel bad if you still don't know what you want to do.”

During my meal with my friend I hinted at something I haven't considered for a few years: working for myself, doing freelance jobs, and pursuing my art as a (but not the only) primary career. I talked about applying for a few grants for my own work (imagine that) so I could spend more time on my photography.

One of the college professors I learned the most from tried to give us realistic expectations: it's very difficult and very lucky to be able to forgo a “day job.” With that in mind, though...where do I fit? It's a question I've been asking for years now.

Most likely I'll choose to pursue a career somehow connected to national service. However, it's a good exercise for everyone to give some serious thought to their career from time to time. Answering the questions “where do I fit?” “what am I truly passionate about?” and “am I really happy when I wake up in the morning?” is helps us to define where we are, where we're going, and how we can direct our efforts to get the most out of our precious hours, days, and years.

Luckily for me, I have a contract that lasts until August 2009, so my career reflections aren't too rushed at this point. But come May, I can imagine I'll be thinking a lot more about how I want to proceed with my career as it relates to grant-writing, visual arts, and national service.

Over the holidays I happened to meet an old friend of a friend, described and introduced to me as “also into photography.” I feel like an expectation comes with meeting another artist that we will automatically forge a connection based on our shared occupation. This woman happened to live in New York, drawing and taking photos and working behind the scenes for the popular ARTstor digital image database.

As I stood in the front foyer at my in-laws' house, somewhat enamored and thinking how much this new person reminded me of a friend in Baltimore, I thought for a minute about my path thus far. I always wonder what impression I make on people who are much more cut and dry Artists than I am. Do I look like I've copped out by shunning the New York art universe and making my own way in a much smaller city? Should I be applying for a job at the BMA next year, visiting DC more often, looking for residencies, considering my current day job a step along the way or even a stall point in the process?

Much of my motivation to join AmeriCorps stemmed from a disconnect I felt, the lack of desire to move to New York, keep up with the gallery scene there, try to “make it” in the capital of the art world. Art students (or this one, at least) feel a lot of pressure to focus on New York, on the big biennials and the new superstar artists. After college,, I'm sure there was a mass migration northward to test all the skills we'd learned not just at making art, but also shamelessly marketing and selling ourselves to galleries in Chelsea. And then there was me, following my husband to a career in the Baltimore/DC area and looking for a day job I could fall in love with.

Sure, working at a museum or gallery would be great, in theory. But just because it's an “art job” doesn't mean it's going to be ultimately fulfilling. I'm sure that was on my mind when I wrote the following in my AmeriCorps*VISTA motivational statement: “My career should be something that makes me proud, something I can't stop smiling about, when I'm doing it or when I'm telling others about it.” After years of working in retail, I knew a day job was never just a day job.

Right now I'm involved in a career path I'm willing to petition the President about. Honestly, no matter what some of my art professors may think of my progress, I feel extremely lucky to say that. I'm still taking pictures, still entering juried contests, still looking for grant money, still thinking and writing about my art. I'm also serving my country and extremely proud to do so. When my term runs up next August, regardless of what I choose to do post-VISTA, I will be a lifelong advocate for national service. My experience over the last year and a half has impacted and changed me tremendously, set me on a path I never would have expected in the months preceding my college commencement ceremony.

Again, I feel truly blessed to be here. My path as an artist may not be the stereotypical image of success, but that's okay with me. I feel great when I come home every evening, and that's what matters. Artists or not, it's what we're all looking for.

Following up on my July 15 update, my job search has begun in earnest.  I learned today that staying at my current job is not going to be a possibility due to some major funds falling through, but maybe it's just as well (for me).

I love where I work, but I wasn't altogether sold on the position I stood to apply for.  While it would have given me a chance to prove myself and exceed my own expectations (as if, my expectations always stay one step ahead of me), it might not have been the ideal job for me.

So, where does that leave me?

It's sort of liberating to have that choice off my mind with no effort on my part, but now I must put out my feelers and eventually settle on a job.  Yesterday I applied for perhaps the most exciting one, a position with Teach for America developing video and multimedia online learning opportunities for teachers.  I love TFA and I love video, despite the fact that I'm slightly underqualified.

Most interesting is how I played up both my non-profit experience (with a focus on urban public education) and my fine arts background in my resume.  Somehow, I found a position that utilizes the past several years of my life experience.  For that reason I've become sort of partial to this job, and may actually be pretty disappointed if I don't get it.  We'll see, and in the meantime there's nothing to do but keep looking.

Becoming a college student again: it's a thought that rolled around my mind many times today. As I made my journey through Bolton Hill, crossing Mount Royal Avenue on foot and strolling into the heart of the MICA campus, I slipped between scores of art students on their way to and from class and surprised myself at how well I blended in. I looked like one of them, for sure, and for the first time I was adrift in a sea of people like me.

This was hardly a homecoming experience. After spending many months of my undergraduate career wishing I could share company with people like me, after eagerly plotting my escape from James Rouse's utopian city because I feel like there isn't a soul I can relate to in the whole town, the irony is not lost on me.

Suddenly I had to ask myself, is this where I will reach my full potential? Running up against everyone's expectations – family, friends, portfolio reviewers, teachers, even myself -- I am left with the realization that this choice is my own, and I need to approach it one-on-one, leaving all those others behind. So I am left alone to navigate this space in my life and land upon what is right for me at this moment.

My fullest potential may be waiting for me somewhere completely unlikely, a place where I will truly shine. Though I may still look like a college student on the outside, on the inside I already feel very far removed from the university. I question whether I want to fight this inertia and change direction now, when I have so much momentum in such a positive direction. I question whether I have ever stood above the rest and thrived in a place where everyone is reaching for the same thing.

In the end, it's all just choices, kinks and bends in a path that keeps leading me forward. Again I am reminded that promise is everywhere, that is one of the blessings of my life, and for now the biggest hardship is choosing between two parallel opportunities.